Balancing the Books
In a rigorous academic environment like the Shanghai international school circuit, how do we help our children to manage their school-related stress and worries?
Dr. Nate Balfanz, American Medical Center/JJ-Premier Medical Care (AMC/JJP)
The Spring season is upon us here in Shanghai, and as temperatures start to heat up so do the academic pressures for our children as they push to end the school year on a positive note. The pressure is not only felt by students but by parents and teachers alike, as they work together to help provide their children with a rich and fulfilling educational experience. In my regular consultations with parents and school teachers/support staff, we often discuss the topic of how to best support our children in managing their school-related stress and worries. In this month’s edition, I’ve decided to deviate from my traditional article format to instead provide a basic understanding of the “wheres,” “whats,” and “hows” of helping children to manage school-related stress and worries.
WHERE DOES MY CHILD’S STRESS COME FROM?
Social Pressure—Managing peer groups, balancing extracurricular activities, getting involved in romantic relationships, using social networking sites, experimenting with drugs and/or alcohol
Achievement Concerns—Maintaining a high GPA, taking advanced placement courses, planning for college/university, preparing for final exams/ACT/SAT/IB
Lack of Self Care—sticking to a consistent sleep schedule, balancing a healthy diet, responding flexibly to changes in routine
Cultural Challenges—Managing expectations to assimilate/acculturate, navigating differences in language and cultural expression, feeling displaced, dealing with shifts in family/friendship dynamics
WHAT DOES MY CHILD’S STRESS LOOK LIKE?
Physical—Stomachache/nausea, headache, restlessness, over/under-reactivity
Cognitive—Inability to concentrate, confusion, forgetfulness, reduced academic performance
Emotional—Crying/sadness, frustration, anger, co-occurring depression
Behavioral/Interpersonal—Disagreements with parents/teachers/peers, irritability, isolating from others, increased school absences, changes in routine/schedule
HOW DO I HELP MY CHILDREN MANAGE STRESS?
1) Reinforce the importance of routines. Much of the stress and worry that children experience is the result of feeling insecure and uncertain about their ability to manage their academic expectations. Having a consistent and predictable daily routine for our children helps to promote feelings of safety and certainty, which in turn helps to reduce that stress. Try to avoid any major changes to your child’s daily routine, particularly during final exam and college test prep periods.
2) Help them understand their limits. Now I as much as anyone else try to encourage my child patients to believe they can do anything they set their minds to, but I also try to make it a point of helping children listen to their bodies and recognizing when they have reached their limits. Just because your son or daughter can take five AP classes, play the clarinet in the school band, be the starting forward on the school soccer team, and captain the debate team does not necessarily mean that they should be doing all those things at the same time—particularly if you begin to notice that a child’s physical and/or mental health is suffering as a result.
3) Schedule “Worry Time.” While this may seem counterintuitive, scheduling time in a child’s day for worrying can actually help him/her to gain mastery over those worrisome feelings. Every morning or evening, spend approximately 10-15 minutes sitting with your child and writing down all the things he/she may be worried about. Devote the entire 10-15 minutes to writing down worries, and refrain from trying to figure out ways to resolve those worries during that time period. At the end of each “Worry Time” period, encourage your child to take a few deep breaths, crumple up and throw away the list of worries, and move on with the day. Gradually over time, your child will start to notice how his/her worry list gets shorter and the task incites feelings of boredom rather than feelings of worry—a much more manageable emotion for that child to endure.
// Dr. Balfanz is the Senior Clinical Psychologist at American Medical Center/JJ-Premier Medical Care (AMC/JJP), a comprehensive mental and medical health service clinic for children, adolescents, adults, and families living in Shanghai. For more information on clinic services, contact Dr. Balfanz at: nbalfanzpsyd@jjpremier.com