Depression as a chance for personal growth
Do you feel good? No? Or do you feel too shy to admit that you’re not feeling good?
According to the BPtK (BundesTherapeutenKammer), the Association of the ~ 45,000 psychotherapists in Germany, more than one out of ten people experience an episode of depression every year. Over a lifetime, every fifth person will experience at least one episode of depression. An untreated episode lasts an average of 6 to 12 months.
According to the WHO (World Health Organization) depression is the leading cause of ill health and disability, worldwide. From 2005 to 2015 there was an increase in depression of more than 18%.
Depression sounds like an awful thing to have.
Many people try to hide it. But actually, there is a very positive side to it as well. Depression means that we are unable to express our self in the world and we feel that even in the future we won’t be able to do so. Remember how it was when we were kids: we thought we could do anything we wanted in life and that we would live forever. Certainly, we never doubted life. It was a given.
However, when we grew older, we realized, that not everything is possible. As humans, we actually have many limitations: be it our health, our intellect, a lack of the right relationships and opportunities, or simply, a lack of money. Or maybe we feel limited by our family, our partner or – looking at the bigger picture – the ideals of our society, our country or our religion. Not being able to live up to who we are, and seeing no hope to do so, heightens the risk of depression.
Imagine, for example, that in your heart, you are an artist. But your parents want you to become a lawyer. They want to make sure you will have a regular and sufficient income. You might feel very frustrated by the idea of becoming a lawyer. But you also understand their worry on a logical level, and follow their wish by becoming a lawyer—albeit, unwillingly. This is a good recipe for depression.
Another example: Maybe you never took the time for yourself to discover if and how you can live and thrive on your own. You have never experienced yourself as being “strong enough.” Being able to live on your own and support yourself gives you self-confidence and a feeling of freedom. And it will make your future romantic partnerships stronger, because you know, you are together because you want to be, and not because you need to be. You are not dependent on your partner’s income, status, or bravery to face life’s challenges and society’s expectations.
Dependency creates a perfect environment for depression.
So what is the way out?
On the one side, we need to let go of our ideals and accept life with all its limitations. On the other side, we are challenged to step out of our box, out of our comfort zone, to free ourselves, and grow.
Depression gives us time to face our limitations, our fears, our deeply hidden feelings, and time to discover what parts of ourselves are important to unfold.
In one of my favorite psychology books[1] (the translated title is: To be Wrong is Human), the authors refer to depression as “the path of suffering through self-limitation.”
Allowing ourselves to grieve about our losses, allowing ourselves to feel anxious sometimes, and to be angry, are essential elements to prevent depression.
Remember: Depression is not our enemy.
It is nothing we need to fight, but instead, something to work with. It is a smart advisor, that reminds us that there is more to life than what we are living at the moment. If you are depressed, or you know someone who is, don’t down-play depression. It is real. But provide space and support for this time of transformation. Depression is our chance to a better, more authentic self.
Care About Yourself,
Gur © 2017 C.A.Y. Consulting (Shanghai) Co., Ltd.