Partnership: Competition and dominance
In the past, partnership was about one person supporting the other to self-fulfillment. One person was the dominant part in the relationship, the provider; let’s say, the man. The woman would often have a less significant job, if any at all. When the couple had children, she would stay at home and take care of them. She would support her children and her husband as well as she could.
Times have changed. Many women have started to follow their own path to self -realization. This often causes a feeling of competition within relationships. Whose job is more important? Who is the dominant player in the relationship? Who should lead? Who should follow?
Thinking in terms of competition is an old concept. Ideally, both partners commit to their own self-realization. Each follows her/his own lead. It is not about one partner following the other. It is about a relationship on eye-level. Remember how interesting your partner was when you were both still studying, both following your own careers. Following self-realization is what makes people attractive from the inside, because you can see the spirit glowing in their eyes.
How can we make it not about competition?
Mutual respect, love, trust and building joint goals are the keys. And communication. If you commit to the same goals, you will both work towards them, at your own speed and in your own capacity, as well as possible. You need to trust that your partner is doing his/her best to achieve your common goals. Love and respect your partner even when you disagree with his/her decisions. The more you understand yourself and your partner, the easier it will be to trust. Also, on an emotional level, it will bring you closer together. You will feel like a team, supporting, trusting and loving each other. In working toward your common goals, together and yet in your own ways, you can share the happiness that comes from getting closer and closer to fulfillment. Enjoy the ride!
3 steps to building a free and long lasting love relationship
- What is your personal target in life? Consider this question independent of your partner, kids or other loved ones.
This often takes a while to figure out. You could ask yourself for instance: How do I want the world to remember me? Or place yourself in the future, at your date of death, after having lived a fulfilled life, and ask: What made it such a fulfilling life?
You can also join my heart-connecting 6-day-retreat program, “The Path into Light” to help figure it out.
Then, tell your partner about the outcome of your soul search.
- What are your joint goals?
Extract your common goals. What is the current situation regarding those goals? How will both of your lives and your togetherness change, if you proceed and if you have reached your goals? How do you reach those goals? Make a plan about the most important steps for you to take. Do this individually and then talk about it together.
- Talk with your partner about the problems you are facing, both as individuals and as a couple. You can do this on a regular basis. If this is difficult for you, you can contact me for coaching or mediation. Remember, you are a team. Perhaps you can walk faster, going alone. But as an African proverb says, you can walk farther, walking the road together. You can enjoy your togetherness, open your heart and learn from each other.
Do you have further questions? Please feel free to contact me: contact@careaboutyou.consulting.
Warm wishes, Gur Schoeneberg
Licensed Psychologist and Trainer
